My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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