I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
