party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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