hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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