If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
