Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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