My hand turned me down
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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