True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
