I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize