I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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