I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
