def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
