i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize