ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize