theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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