if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
