That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
