I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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