also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
