I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
