also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
