return my video game
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
