listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize