is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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