its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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