erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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