He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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