she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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