I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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