He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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