They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
