And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
as a side note pls kill me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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