So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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