Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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