kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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