She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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