he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I believe in your delicious
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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