Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
God, you're like boner-b-gone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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