Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize