You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
