some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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