So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
