Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
