I just saw a hot homeless man
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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