last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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