i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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