She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
