Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
