I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize