He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
