I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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