I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
