i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
