But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
