bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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