my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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