so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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