I faked an abortion last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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