I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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