whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
