He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize