the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
