This is not my ceiling
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
