i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
