Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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