Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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