So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
