you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
