Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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