So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
don't judge my taste in strippers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
