she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
