I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
