I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize