How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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