Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
