I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
