I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
