meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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