for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
