Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
