you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
