just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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