OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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