I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
