This is not my ceiling
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
