Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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