I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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