Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
