I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
