Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
