it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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