You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
